I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
