i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sext me about skeletons
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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