I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
BRING THE BAGELS
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize