Soap is not a condiment
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
