When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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