There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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