Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sex in a hospital.. check
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
