I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rumble strips road head = magical
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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