here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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