I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
