I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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