Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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