Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
