I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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