I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My butt remains clenched, sir.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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