I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
