I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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