just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
