You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
