I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
