I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nicole vs. Life
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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