nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
