Do you still have your period?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
