I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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