You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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