I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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