wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
