watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
