everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
