I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
jump out the window naked night went bad
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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