I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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