i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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