im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All the doctor said was why
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
