i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
