I'm lost and stupid without you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
