So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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