i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
