too bad you live with your parents still
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
