I am puke
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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