i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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