You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
