And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
