Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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