don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
