he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
