I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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