Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
