I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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