I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
