Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
