First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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