As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
