so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
