OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
