So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
