Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
