dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
