That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't deserve a penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
