Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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