wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
