Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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