Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
whose parrot is this?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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