I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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