There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
