Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
