it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
