Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
