my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to stop coming to work sober
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
