no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
