hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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