just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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