"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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