She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
