I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
