Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
