I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
