is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
