i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
