I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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