Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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