My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
