I'm so fucking centered right now
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
