speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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