this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
