Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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