Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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