My room smells like vodka and shame
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
